Lost Loves
by BeStillMySlashyHeart
Summary: What if Elena wasn't the first girl Damon loved? What if she wasn't the one he loved most? Damon/OC, brother-bonding, mentions of Delena and Stelena


A/N this is the first thing I've written in almost 5 years and it's unbetaed so im not sure how good it is but its been on my mind for some time so I thought I'd get it out there

Summary: Damon has secrets. It's nothing dangerous, just personal. Elena isn't the first girl he's loved and she's certainly not the one he's loved most. Slight AU

Pairings: Damon/OC, mentions of Stelena and Delena, brother-relationship

After a long day, Damon just wanted to kick back on the couch with a nice glass of scotch. Walking in and seeing Stefan waiting for him, he sighed. _So much for a relaxing evening._

"What do you want, Stefan?" Damon inquired.

"I want to talk about Elena," Stefan replied "do you really love her?"

"Do we really need to go over this again? Yes I love her. You love her. Hence the tense macho not-showdown showdown we have going on."

"I know you say you love her but I want to know how much."

"How much? Love is love it doesn't matter how much it only matters that I do."

"It matters to me. Damon…" Stefan trailed off.

"What? Spit it out. You clearly have something to say." Damon said.

Stefan sighed, knowing that the next words out of his mouth were going to have an effect on his brother, no matter how much he may say otherwise, "On a scale of Katherine to Elizabeth, how much do you love Elena?"

Damon was raising a glass to his lips but froze when he heard Stefan speak. He turned, prepared to make a witty retort but Stefan beat him to it.

"If do you love Elena as much as Elizabeth, as your bother I want you to realize that she's never going to want to be a vampire and eventually she will die. She has too. And I can't watch you lose someone you love again. It almost killed you last time. And if you don't love Elena as much as you loved Elizabeth then I'm asking you to back off, because I do. Elena is my Elizabeth."

For a few long moments, neither brother said anything. Stefan was waiting for the outburst that usually followed any mention of Elizabeth and Damon was trying to process what his brother had said.

When the silence stretched to uncomfortable, Damon downed the alcohol in his glass and set it down on the table. When he turned to face Stefan, his brother noticed the glassy look in his eyes that had nothing to do with the scotch.

"Alright." Said Damon.

"Alright?"

"I'll back off. I'll leave Elena alone." And with that Damon walked out.

Damon wasn't quite sure where he was going. Actually that was a lie. He knew exactly where his feet were taking him. It was where he always went when he was even the slightest bit upset. A few minutes later, he walked through the gates at the old cemetery and strode directly to his destination, not pausing once to check where he was going. He'd been there enough times he could get there blindfolded and drunk.

He walked up to a small plot in the back of the cemetery and sat down in front of one of the grave markers in the middle.

_Elizabeth Salvatore_

_1840-1867_

_Beloved Wife, Mother, and Daughter_

Damon sat there at his wife's grave for what seemed like hours. He never spoke a word. Eventually the silence grew too much for him, he had always come to her to talk.

"Hey Lizzie. It's been a while. I'm sorry. Things have been crazy around here. And I've kind of fallen in love. With Katherine's doppelganger, which I know would just piss you off to no end." He pauses to let loose a small chuckle. Elizabeth would have wanted him to move on rather than mourn her death for eternity, he knew. But she had hated Katherine so much for what she did to him, to them, that she'd probably smack him sideways for even caring about her doppelganger let alone falling in love with her. "Stefan asked me tonight how much I loved her. Asked me if I loved her as much as I loved you. I never answered him but then he never really expected an answer I bet. We both know that no matter how much time passes I'll always love you and no one else will ever come close. I mean, my god, you've been gone for 145 years and I still think about you every day. I wonder if you'd find something funny. I'll watch a movie or listen to a song and I'll ask myself whether or not you'd like it even though you never imagined what a movie could be or 95% of music these days, but I still wonder."

He stopped there. He didn't know if he could continue. Even though his wife was long gone and nobody could hear him he still wasn't sure if he should say the next few things he wanted to. But he knew if she was still alive she'd kick his ass for keeping secrets.

"I don't think I'll ever be able to get over you. Stefan said that losing you almost killed me and I think maybe he got it wrong. Maybe losing you _did_ kill me. More than any bullet did. I mean, I was still me for the first couple years after the change. It wasn't until you died that I became less human, less me. Even with the kids around, without you I lost who I was. I barely recognize myself some days and I know you wouldn't recognize me. How am I supposed to get over the one person who made me me? How am I supposed to move on when I don't know who I am anymore?"

He stood up then and wandered over to the other graves filling the Salvatore section of the graveyard. He passed his mother and his father, himself and Stefan, until settling at another.

_Michael Salvatore_

_1859-1947_

_Beloved Husband, Father, and Grandfather_

"I still think about Michael sometimes, though not nearly as often as I should. But every single time I do all I think about is how _happy_ I was that he got to live a life. I mean, I got to see my son die of old age. While seriously weird, it meant that we gave him a real, full life Lizzie. And until he died I still had a part of you. When he was gone, so were you. I think that's when I really lost it. My _humanity_. It's pathetic really, how other people make you who you are."

He continued moving until he saw the next few graves and stopped again.

"The only time I feel like myself anymore is when I see Mary, Joseph, or Emily. But it's been a couple years. Mostly they just call or email. Mary won't talk to me anymore, not since Mason. Not that I can blame her. And Joseph and Emily have their own lives. I think Emily's been in Europe for the past couple decades. And I don't know what Joseph's been up to. Like I said it's been a while."

He wandered back over to Elizabeth's grave.

"We did something pretty incredible, you know? Four kids. And with Michael's and Mary's kids we have a lot of descendants running around. I try to keep track of everyone these days but there's so many of them it's pretty hard to. But they're a part of us so I feel obligated. Hah, Damon Salvatore has obligations. Who would've thought?"

He trailed off at that point, content to just sit there with his wife and close his eyes. If he concentrated enough he could remember what she looked like but mostly he just remembered the little things. Her laugh. Her smile. Her blonde hair shining in the sun. The way she always complained about wearing a corset but had him lace her up every day because it was proper. The way she could outsmart him and make him do whatever she wanted, no matter how much he protested at the start. The way she could make him laugh or smile, even if he'd been having the worst of days. How well she knew him, almost better than he knew himself. It may have been so long he couldn't quite picture her exactly but he hoped and prayed to a God he didn't believe that he never forget who she _was_ and all the little things about her that made her Elizabeth, made her his Elizabeth.

Damon sat there until the sun came up. He heard the lightest of footsteps coming up the path. There was only one person it could be, this section of the graveyard was so old the loved ones of those buried here were themselves in the ground. As the steps came to a halt Damon stayed where he was.

"How often do you come here?" came the quiet voice of his brother.

"Depends. When I'm in town like I have been for the past year or so I come everyday or every other day if I can't make it every day." Damon answered.

"And for the 100 odd years you weren't here?"

"I was here for the important days. Her birthday. Our anniversary. The anniversary of her death. I visit Michael on his birthday too."

Stefan sat down next to his brother.

"You know, I miss her too. She was like my sister. And not just because you married her."

"I know. She loved you like you were her little brother. She used to joke that she only married me so that you two would be related." They shared a quiet laugh at that, knowing it was true.

"Why are you here Stefan?" Damon asked after a period of silence.

"Because I know you get upset any time someone mentions Elizabeth and you've been gone for hours. I wanted to make sure you were ok."

"Aw little brother cares! Who knew?" Damon joked sarcastically, nudging Stefan with his elbow.

"Of course I care, you're my brother. And one thing Klaus was right about is that family is forever, especially when you're immortal. So ya I'm looking out for you. Besides I haven't been to see her in a long time. Michael either."

Again silence reigned for a while.

"When was the last time you spoke to Em, Joey, or Mary?" Stefan asked.

"Mary hasn't spoken to me since I killed Mason. Emily sends an email every other week to check up and Joseph calls every now and then. Last time I talked to him was about a month ago. But I haven't seen any of them in 15 years I think."

"Must be hard. Not seeing them. I know they're grown up and 100+ years old but they're still your kids. Though you can't really blame Mary for not talking to you. I mean you did kill her great-grandson."

"Ya, I know. But I didn't have a choice. And don't forget that he was my great-great-grandson."

"You do seem to have a penchant for killing your great-great-grandsons, first Zach, then Mason. Who's next? Tyler?"

"Oh shut up they both tried to kill me I just beat them to it. And I think Mary would kill me if I killed another Lockwood."

"Probably" Stefan agreed.

"You know they might be able to help with the whole Klaus situation. It couldn't hurt to have a few more vampires on our side." Stefan said. He'd been thinking about it for a while now and had never broached the subject.

"Not a chance in hell. My kids are not a part of this and you will not ask them to help!" Damon vehemently replied.

"Christ, I forgot how overprotective you are with them. But just think about it ok? We could use the help." Stefan shot back.

Damon didn't say another word to Stefan, just looked back at his wife's grave, whispered an "I love you," and left.

Stefan watched his brother's retreating back until he was out of sight then turned to Elizabeth's grave himself.

"I miss you, Lizzie. And you'd probably kill me for calling you that. Never could stand anyone but Damon calling you Lizzie." He trailed off for a moment, remembering. "He's not the same anymore. I wish you were here sometimes to knock some sense back into him. Or at least have him act like my brother again. He's gotten better over the past year though. Closer to being him almost. I think it's because of Elena. She reminds him of you and makes him want to be a better man. But she's not you. As much as he wants her to be she's not."

He stood then, and looked around. He hadn't been to the cemetery in many years and it had changed. He didn't want to think of how many of his old friends were lying beneath his feet, rotted and decayed. He looked down at Elizabeth's grave again and couldn't stop the hatred building in his chest towards Katherine. Her selfish desire to know what being in love was like ruined one of the greatest relationships he'd ever known. If she hadn't instructed Emily to cast a spell transferring Damon's feelings for Elizabeth onto her his brother would have lived out his life happy and in love. But Katherine stole that from him. Stefan may work with her now, but one day he was going to kill her for what she done Damon and Elizabeth and their kids.

"I miss you Elizabeth and I wish you were still here. Sometimes I wish you had taken the blood Damon offered you. He'd be different today. Everything would be different." With those parting words, Stefan turned and followed his brother home.

_Fin?_

A/N that turned out longer than I had planned

I may write a couple more chapters and introduce Damon's kids (3 of whom are vampires if that wasn't clear) and have Elena and everyone else find out but that depends on the response I get so please review if you like it or have any constructive criticism

Thanks for reading!


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